Therapy
by Lady Arreya
Summary: Voyager gets a holographic ship's counselor, and she’s quite a matchmaker. AU, P/T.


Originally written July 2000

Title: Therapy  
Rating: M  
Summary: Voyager gets a holographic ship's counselor, and she's quite a matchmaker. AU, P/T.

A/N: This is a bizarre, alternate universe story based on an idea originating from dream that I had. I have absolutely no idea how I came up with this one. Even by my standards, it's really bizarre. I take no responsibility for the strange workings of my unconscious mind...

Parts of this story (take a wild guess which ones ;) ) were inspired by the song "Say You'll Stay," by Kai.

Historian's note: This is an alternate universe story that takes place sometime during third season. (I think… but it doesn't really matter.)

* * *

"That does it! I can't take it anymore!" the Doctor fumed. He was on the verge of hurling a hypospray across the room when Commander Chakotay walked into Sickbay.

Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "Is there a problem, Doctor?"

"Yes, there's a problem!"

"Care to tell me about it?"

The Doctor settled for throwing the hypospray onto a nearby medical tray instead of at the opposite wall. "Ensign Murphy just came in to have an injury treated. He broke his wrist playing hoverball with Lieutenant Torres."

"You're upset because you had to mend a broken wrist?"

"Ensign Murphy," he proclaimed, "has a crush on Lieutenant Torres," as if that explained everything.

"She broke his wrist because of that?"

Shaking his head, the Doctor gave an exaggerated sigh. "Of course not. The ensign broke his wrist trying to impress her. She doesn't return his affections, and he wants to win her over."

"Why is that a problem for you?" Chakotay still wasn't following.

"Because he spent over an hour of my valuable time going on and on about it, and then he insisted on pestering me for advice. As if I had any to give him," he sniffed.

Envisioning the scenario, Chakotay stifled a smile. Truth be told, he felt somewhat sorry for young Ensign Murphy. He must have been utterly confused and misguided if he had been desperate enough to consult the Doctor for romantic advice.

"And it's not just him," the Doctor continued. "***Everyone*** comes in here to complain about their psychological problems, and I'm not equipped to advise them. I'm a doctor, not a counselor!" he proclaimed dramatically.

The commander was unimpressed, but he had to agree that the doctor had a point. Especially since he was the one that crewmembers turned to when they were frustrated with the doctor's lack of counseling ability. That made Chakotay the unofficial ship's counselor.

"I have neither the time nor the patience to listen to everyone whine about their relationship problems. If the crewmembers want a ship's counselor, they should program another hologram for that! My program wasn't designed with counseling duties in mind. I heal the body, not the psyche."

Chakotay sighed. He had heard this tirade before. "You know, Doctor," he interrupted, "that's not such a bad idea."

"What?" Flabbergasted, the Doctor finally stopped ranting and stared at him.

"I said, that's not a bad idea. I don't see why we can't program a holographic ship's counselor," Chakotay said patiently.

For once, the Doctor was speechless.

"I'll discuss your suggestion with the captain."

* * *

Captain Janeway was in her ready room reviewing some reports when Chakotay requested a conference with her.

"What's on your mind, Chakotay?"

"Captain, many of the crewmembers have expressed dissatisfaction at the lack of a ship's counselor. They usually end up turning to the Doctor for advice, but he's overloaded with his medical duties, and he wasn't designed to attend to the psychological well-being of the crew on a full-time basis."

Captain Janeway sighed. "You're right. We do need a ship's counselor. But what can we do about it? We don't have the resources."

"The Doctor made a suggestion, one that I think we should consider."

"What is it?"

"He suggested that we program a holographic ship's counselor."

That suggestion was met with silence.

"Captain?"

She rose from her desk to walk over to the viewport. "I don't know, Chakotay. Do you really think it's a good idea to place the psychological health of the crew in the hands of a hologram?"

"Why not? Our physical health is in the hands of a hologram," he reminded her.

"That's different. The Emergency Medical Hologram was designed by a team of the Federation's best scientists, doctors and engineers specifically for that purpose. And while programming a holographic ship's counselor might seem like an ideal solution to our problem, it's not that easy designing a program that complex. It takes years of training to become a good counselor. Not to mention empathy and understanding. The crewmembers have to trust and feel completely comfortable with the counselor for this to work. I don't know if we can program a hologram that would be qualified to do all that."

Moving to stand by her side, Chakotay considered this thoughtfully before speaking again.

"The EMH program wasn't designed to substitute for a Chief Medical Officer either, but we've adapted. We have to be flexible and make do with what we have. The Doctor has already done an admirable job, despite the pressure he's under. We can't expect him to take on counseling duties on top of everything else that he's already doing. He's overworked as it is."

"Programming a holographic ship's counselor isn't the answer. There must be a better way."

He held up a hand to interrupt her. "I think we should at least give it a try, Kathryn. Voyager needs a ship's counselor. Most of the crew just needs someone to talk to, anyway. If we can program a hologram with excellent listening skills and a well-developed sense of empathy, that'll suffice. I doubt they'll expect the counselor to solve all their problems."

Sighing, Captain Janeway finally relented. "All right, Chakotay. But I want you to supervise this project carefully. I see a lot of potential problems with this, and I don't want to risk damaging the psychological well-being of my crew. Understood?"

He nodded. "Of course, Captain."

* * *

"How's the programming for the holographic counselor coming along, Harry?" Chakotay asked when he went to the holodeck to get a status report. Harry had been given the assignment of programming the new hologram, an assignment he'd accepted enthusiastically and started on right away.

"It's going well, sir. Kes has been helping me." Harry and Kes grinned at each other.

Chakotay smiled approvingly, certain that Kes had considerable insight to provide for the program. He'd always thought that she would have been an excellent counselor herself, as she had all the necessary qualities: empathy, patience, sensitivity, understanding... Unfortunately, she was already too busy with her duties in Sickbay and Hydroponics to take on any more responsibilities.

"Would you like to meet the new counselor, Commander?" Kes asked.

"Of course."

"Computer, activate Ship's Counselor Hologram," Harry instructed. The computer beeped and complied. Instantly, a strikingly beautiful human woman materialized. Her dark hair was perfectly straight and fell nearly to her waist. She appeared to be about 30 years of age, and her expression radiated warmth and compassion.

"Commander, I'd like to introduce you to Arlaina Jayde, our new ship's counselor. Counselor, this is Commander Chakotay, first officer of Voyager."

Arlaina smiled radiantly. "Nice to meet you, Commander Chakotay." Her voice was slightly husky, but definitely calm and soothing.

"Nice to meet you, too, Counselor Jayde."

"Please, call me Arlaina."

He nodded. "Welcome to Voyager, Arlaina."

"Thank you, sir. I'm happy to be here," she bubbled enthusiastically. "It's a wonderful ship. Of course, all I've seen so far is the holodeck and Sickbay."

"I'm sure the Doctor wouldn't mind if you used his mobile holoemitter when you need to leave the holodeck."

Harry and Kes exchanged glances. They weren't so sure about that, but they didn't comment. The Doctor had yet to meet Counselor Jayde, though he had provided suggestions for some of the counseling subroutines.

"We've programmed a counselor's office as well, Commander," said Kes. "Would you like to test the program?"

"Definitely."

Harry grinned. "Well, Counselor Jayde, looks like you have your first patient."

* * *

A few days later, Harry, Tom and B'Elanna were having lunch together in the Mess Hall, discussing the new ship's counselor.

"I can't stop thinking about her," Harry confessed.

Shaking her head, B'Elanna set down her fork. "Dammit, Harry, I knew it was a mistake to let you program that counselor hologram!"

"I know." Harry hung his head guiltily. "I programmed her personality, her looks, her interests, her background... I guess I made her a little too much like my ideal woman. Arlaina's everything I've ever wanted in a woman – she's beautiful, smart, independent, funny, understanding, compassionate..."

"What is it with you and holographic women, anyway?" Tom teased.

"I don't know! What am I going to do?" He buried his face in his hands in despair.

Tom couldn't think of a good answer to that. He sighed. Harry had a tendency to fall for unattainable women, so it wasn't all that surprising that he had programmed this hologram to be his ideal woman, and even less surprising that he had fallen in love with her. _Still, I should be more sympathetic._ Even though Tom had no need to program a hologram to be with a woman who was everything he ever wanted, since she was already sitting next to him, he could relate to Harry's predicament. No matter how hard he tried, B'Elanna consistently rejected all his advances. In that sense, she was as unattainable as Harry's holographic dream woman...

His thoughts were interrupted as Harry abruptly stood up. "Gotta go. I have a counseling session soon."

His companions stared at him. "Counseling? What do you need counseling for, Starfleet?"

"Uh... Well..." he hedged. "This and that. Nothing important."

"Out with it, Harry."

He sat down again reluctantly. "Well... um, I kind of told her I was in love with you, B'Elanna," he finally admitted.

"WHAT?!" Thoroughly shocked, Tom and B'Elanna gaped at him.

"It's not true, of course. I'm not really in love with you, B'Elanna, don't worry," Harry added hastily.

"Oh, that's a relief," she said dryly.

"Not that I couldn't imagine anyone being in love with you... I mean, you're very attractive and intelligent and fun to be with, and of course half the male crewmembers are in love with you... But not me. I'm not in love with you. I just ... I couldn't think of anything else to say to Arlaina..." Floundering, Harry turned to Tom, imploring him for help. But Tom just shook his head, amused.

"Harry..." B'Elanna began.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to tell her that –"

"Then why did you?!"

Tom stifled a smile as Harry cowered in his seat.

"It was an accident. I was trying to explain to Arlaina how I felt about her, without telling her that it was her that I was talking about –"

"And how did I figure into this conversation?" she interrupted.

"Well... Arlaina asked me point-blank who I was talking about.. and it caught me off-guard. I kind of panicked because I didn't want to tell her that it was her, and the only other woman that came to mind – besides the captain, which would have sounded completely unbelievable – was you."

"Thanks. I think."

"You understand, right?" he asked anxiously, still afraid that she might be furious and want to seriously hurt him.

"Harry. It's all right. Calm down."

As Harry breathed a sigh of relief, Tom said, "Let me get this straight. You're going to a counseling session to get advice from a woman you're in love with, about a woman who she thinks you're in love with, but who you're not actually in love with?"

"I know, it doesn't make any sense! But it just kind of slipped out before I could stop myself. Next thing I knew, I was scheduling more counseling sessions." He looked miserable.

"Back up a minute, Harry." B'Elanna had just thought of something else she wanted to know. "What did you mean when you said that half the male crewmembers on this ship are in love with me?"

"Well... I was so dejected... Arlaina tried to make me feel better by telling me that I wasn't the only one with this problem."

"Oh, really. And who else has a crush on B'Elanna?" Tom tried to sound nonchalant, but he couldn't disguise his interest.

"I'm not supposed to say, but..." They leaned in closer as he lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Ensign Bristow, Ensign Murphy... um, let's see... There were a few others but I can't remember. I wasn't exactly paying attention."

"You weren't paying attention?" Tom exclaimed.

"Why does it matter who has a crush on B'Elanna?"

B'Elanna glared at them. "Not so loud!"

"Sorry," said Harry sheepishly.

Tom frowned. Bristow, Murphy, and who knew who else... He didn't like the thought of all that competition. Not that it mattered. B'Elanna didn't take him seriously, either.

Harry got up again. "I've got to be going, or I'm going to be late for my appointment with Arlaina. See you guys later."

Shaking their heads, Tom and B'Elanna watched him as he left the Mess Hall.

_Well, at least something good came out of this,_ Tom thought to himself. Here he was, sharing a table alone with the woman of his dreams. _She's so beautiful... _ He studied her intently, wondering what it would be like to kiss those perfectly shaped, slightly parted lips. His gaze drifted to her wide, expressive eyes, fringed with thick, dark lashes, imagining what it would be like to be alone with her, in her arms...

Suddenly feeling awkward, B'Elanna immediately looked away. If she wasn't careful, she would end up staring into those soulful eyes and losing herself completely in their depths. She stole a quick glance in his direction, noting that he was still staring at her. It was unnerving and seductive at the same time. She felt her face start to flush as she imagined what he must be thinking.

She knew that he was interested in her, of course, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't feel the same. But she feared that he was only interested in the renowned prowess of Klingon women in bed... and that wasn't enough for her. She couldn't bear to be just another one of his conquests.

"B'Elanna," he murmured.

"What?"

"Are you busy tonight?"

"That depends," she said warily.

"I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me..."

This she could handle.

"In the Mess Hall?"

"No... 19th century France. I have this new holodeck program, a little villa just outside –"

"Sorry," she interrupted. "Ensign Murphy already asked me to have dinner with him tonight."

Trying not to let his disappointment show, Tom shrugged and flippantly said, "Some other time, then."

She shot him a look that clearly said, "Don't count on it."

Undaunted, he smiled and told her he would see her later.

After he left, B'Elanna sat there for a moment, trying to sort out her feelings.

Ensign Murphy *had* asked her to dinner, but she hadn't really planned on going. She had hedged, merely telling him that she would think about it.

_Looks like I'll be having dinner with him after all..._ But that didn't really appeal to her. In fact, it made her feel a little ill. She grimaced. After fending off his attentions during their last hoverball match, she didn't even want to think about what he would be like on a dinner date.

B'Elanna mentally berated herself for refusing the invitation that she truly wanted to accept. Tom's invitation.

She could picture it all so clearly: 19th century France, a lovely little villa secluded in the mountains, the sun setting over the majestic peaks, a romantic candlelight dinner for two...

She would have liked nothing better. But that was the problem. She wanted it a little too much. She didn't trust herself to be in that kind of setting. Not with him.

_He'll probably just ask someone else,_ she told herself. But that certainly didn't make her feel any better. In fact, it made her jealous, imagining him having dinner with another woman.

Sighing, she finally got up and headed back to Main Engineering, still lost in thought.

* * *

Tom had heard a lot about the new Ship's Counselor Hologram, or SCH. There was talk of little else. Currently, there were rumors that the Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay had been seeing each other more frequently lately because of Counselor Jayde. Joe Carey and Samantha Wildman had also gotten together, and Kes and Neelix had worked out their differences. Harry was still working through his crush on the counselor, but it was a lot easier now that he had accepted that she didn't return his affections. Ensigns Murphy and Bristow had managed to get over their infatuation with B'Elanna and also their animosity, which had stemmed from their bitter rivalry for her affections. Rumor had it that they had started dating the infamous Delaney sisters.

The counselor was a miracle worker with romantic relationships, it seemed.

Many crewmembers swore that she had changed their lives with her insight and wisdom. Complex problems suddenly seemed clear.

Tom sighed. His problem wasn't complex at all, actually. He was in love with a woman who barely acknowledged his existence. That was all. He was lovesick. Pure and simple.

_B'Elanna..._

He stared into his coffee cup, as if it held the answers he sought. The dark, steaming liquid captivated him. _The color of her eyes,_ he mused. The sultry depths of those expressive dark eyes kept him awake at nights, and even when he slept, she haunted his dreams.

Closing his eyes, he conjured up an image of her in his mind. Silken hair, as dark as her passion-filled eyes. Luscious red lips. He could easily imagine how soft and yielding those lips would be to his heated kisses. The gently curving ridges of her forehead... so sexy. He wanted to trace his way down those forehead ridges with his fingertips, and with his lips...

He loved her fiery temper and passionate nature. Her dedication, her intelligence, her determination. Everything about her.

He couldn't stop thinking about her. He wanted her.

But that wasn't all. He wanted her trust, her faith, her devotion, her love... He wanted her to need him as much as he needed her.

Tom had another sip of his coffee and sighed. He had never placed much faith in counselors, but maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea. It certainly couldn't hurt.

He didn't know what else to do. It had gotten to the point where he was having difficulty concentrating on his work. All he could think about was B'Elanna.

He left his quarters, resolved to make an appointment with Counselor Jayde as soon as possible.

* * *

Tom cautiously stepped into Holodeck Two, where the ship's counselor holoprogram was already running. He wasn't exactly sure what to expect.

He slowly made his way to the end of the hallway until he reached a door with the nameplate "Arlaina Jayde, Ship's Counselor." Pausing a moment more, he finally knocked.

"Come in."

The office was beautifully decorated, and bright rays of sunshine poured into the room through airy windows. A lovely young woman was seated in a comfortable armchair in the center of the room.

"Counselor Jayde?"

"Please call me Arlaina. You must be Lieutenant Tom Paris. It's a pleasure to meet you," said the counselor in a musical voice.

Tom nodded. "Likewise." He could understand why the SCH was so popular. He immediately felt at ease with her.

"Have a seat, Tom." Counselor Jayde gestured to the chair across from her.

He complied, relaxing into the chair.

"How are you?"

"Fine..."

They regarded each other for a moment. The counselor sensed that he had a lot he wanted to talk about but didn't quite know how to sort it out...

"So, what's on your mind? Is there anything in particular that you'd like to talk about?"

"Well..." he hedged. "I have this problem..."

"I see. What's her name?"

Momentarily taken aback, he stared at the counselor.

She smiled. "No need to look so surprised. Romantic relationships are frequently a source of distress for many people. It's a common problem."

He nodded slowly. "I guess." He looked down at the floor.

"You don't have to tell me her name if you're uncomfortable sharing that information," she reassured him. "I was just kidding about that."

"No, it's all right. Her name is B'Elanna."

Counselor Jayde nodded. She didn't seem at all surprised.

"She's the most incredible woman I've ever met. Incredibly intelligent, talented, beautiful, strong, but vulnerable at the same time..."

"And you're in love with her." It was more of a statement than a question.

Tom shook his head in wonder at hearing it stated so plainly. But there it was. And it was the truth. "Yeah, I guess I am," he admitted.

"So what's the problem? You don't seem like the kind of man who has problems romancing women."

"She's not just any woman... and she's rejected all of my attempts to get to know her better. I don't think she takes me seriously. I'm crazy about her, but she only wants to be friends."

"Don't discount friendship. That's the best place to start."

He frowned. "But the other guys..."

Arlaina dismissed that comment with a wave of her hand. "Ensigns Murphy and Bristow are infatuated with her. They're not really friends with her. Not the way you are. Don't worry about the competition." She frowned. "Except maybe Harry..."

"Harry?" he echoed, utterly confused. "What about him?"

"He might have a better chance of... " She trailed off as something important suddenly occurred to her. "Of course... Harry isn't really in love with her, is he," she deduced.

_Uh-oh, Harry's going to kill me..._ Tom thought as he suddenly remembered their conversation in the Mess Hall. "Um, what makes you think that?" he asked her nervously.

"If Harry were actually in love with B'Elanna, that would be your main dilemma: competing with your best friend for her affections," she said shrewdly. "But you don't seem at all bothered by that prospect, so..."

"Let's not talk about Harry," he said hastily.

The counselor seemed amused. "Okay."

They stared at each other for a moment.

"I don't know what to do anymore," he finally confessed. "I can't get her out of my mind."

"You don't have to," she told him cheerfully. "Now, let's work on some strategies..."

* * *

Later that evening, B'Elanna went to work on the hologrid of Holodeck Two. It was well after her shift when she finally finished re-connecting the wires. _Harry owes me a really big favor for this,_ she told herself. He had begged her to run all the necessary diagnostics for him because he was still avoiding the new ship's counselor.

"Computer, run Ship's Counselor Hologram program." In a flash, Counselor Jayde and her office appeared.

"Hello. I'm Counselor Arlaina Jayde. I don't believe we've met. Do you have an appointment with me today?" asked the smiling counselor.

"No, I'm here to run some diagnostics on your program. I'm Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres, Chief Engineer of Voyager."

"Ah. So you're B'Elanna. I've heard quite a lot about you."

That stopped her short. "From who?"

Arlaina shrugged. "Oh, from Harry, Commander Chakotay, Ensign Murphy, Ensign Bristow, Lieutenant Paris..." She smiled mysteriously as she emphasized that last name on the list.

B'Elanna found herself wondering what that meant as she opened her Engineering toolkit and tricorder. She began to run diagnostics on the hologram.

"I'm not detecting any problems with your program. Everything seems to be working fine."

Arlaina smiled. "That's good to hear. And how is everything with you, Lieutenant?"

"Fine." She was busy concentrating on the readings from the diagnostics.

"I was wondering when I'd finally get to meet you. Tom talks about you all the time."

B'Elanna looked up sharply. She was tempted to ask exactly what Tom had said about her, but she chased the thought out of her mind immediately and returned her attention to the tricorder.

"He's very fond of you, you know."

Her reply was non-committal. "You don't say."

"You aren't fond of him?"

"Of course I am. We're friends."

"Just... friends?"

"Just friends."

"Hmm... Well, you're lucky to have a 'friend' like him. He's kind, compassionate, caring, good-looking..."

"I guess." She was trying not to think about that because it was distracting. Every time she started thinking about Tom, it soon turned into fantasizing about him...

"You seem to be very popular with the male crewmembers, B'Elanna," Arlaina noted, switching tactics. "You have a lot of admirers: Commander Chakotay, Ensign Kim, Ensign Murphy, Ensign Bristow, Lieutenant Paris..."

"Not really. Chakotay is my best friend. Nothing romantic there. Same with Harry. We're just friends. Murphy has a crush on me, but it isn't anything serious. Same with Bristow. They'll get over it soon enough, if they haven't already. I heard that they went out with the Delaney sisters last night."

"And what about Lieutenant Paris?" the counselor pressed.

She was becoming rather irritated with the counselor. "I told you before, Tom and I are friends. That's all." Exasperated, she slammed the tricorder shut for emphasis.

"But you'd like to be more than friends with him."

B'Elanna stared at the counselor, taken aback by her frankness.

"Am I right?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said coldly, suddenly on the defensive.

"Don't you?"

No response.

The counselor tried again. "There's nothing wrong with that, B'Elanna. You don't have to be afraid to admit that you're in love with someone."

"What makes you think that I'm in love with him?" B'Elanna countered.

Arlaina smiled. "Let's just say that you don't hide it very well."

B'Elanna blushed. She hadn't thought that it was that obvious. She'd thought that she'd been doing a good job of concealing her true feelings. Apparently, this holographic counselor was more astute than B'Elanna had given her credit for.

"Well... maybe I am a little attracted to him," she admitted cautiously.

Arlaina raised an eyebrow. "A little?"

"A little," she reiterated belligerently, growing defensive again.

The counselor nodded in understanding but merely told her, "It's not healthy to hide from your emotions, B'Elanna. You have to face your feelings."

With a sigh, she acknowledged to herself that there was some truth in that. "What should I do?"

"Well... if you'd like, we can make a few appointments for counseling sessions."

"Okay." She wasn't sure what she was getting into, but it couldn't hurt. Maybe these counseling sessions would actually be useful. "What did you have in mind?"

"We could program a holographic simulation of Tom for you to talk to."

B'Elanna eyed her suspiciously. "What for?"

Smiling patiently, Arlaina explained, "It's a modified form of a technique called 'role-playing.' With a holographic simulation, it's even more realistic and informative. Many of my patients have been using this approach."

B'Elanna hesitated. The idea of creating a hologram of Tom to talk to and sort out her feelings appealed to her, but... "I don't know... I've never programmed a hologram for that purpose before," she said doubtfully. "And I don't think it's right to base a holographic character on someone real..."

"It's not as though you're using this for recreational purposes," Arlaina argued. "This is a perfectly valid technique."

B'Elanna didn't say anything.

"Consider it part of your therapy," Counselor Jayde told her airily. "It's actually very effective. It helps you deal with your fears, frustrations and desires in a safe setting that you are in complete control of."

But B'Elanna was still uncertain. "Well..."

"Trust me, it'll be therapeutic. I'll help you design the program," the counselor reassured her confidently.

Despite her doubts, B'Elanna finally relented. Arlaina was very persuasive.

* * *

Tom shifted uncomfortably in his chair in the counselor's office, feeling somewhat foolish because he was sitting across from an empty chair, with Arlaina seated off to the side.

"So, what do you really want to say to her?"

"Well..." He paused to think about it. "I wish I could tell her how I really felt about her."

"How do you feel about her?"

"I... I don't know. She's..."

"Imagine that she's here right now, sitting in the chair across from you. What would you say to her?"

Tom was clearly struggling with this.

Arlaina smiled patiently. "I have an idea. Let's make this easier. Computer, create a holographic re-creation of Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres."

Alarmed, Tom watched as a holographic B'Elanna materialized in the chair in front of him.

"Nothing to worry about, Tom," Arlaina assured him. "You can say anything you want to her. She's only a hologram, after all."

_A very convincing hologram,_ Tom added to himself. She looked exactly like B'Elanna. Just as beautiful and intriguing... but not quite as unapproachable.

"Go ahead. Talk to her," Arlaina encouraged. "I know there's a lot you want to say to her."

Tom eyed her doubtfully. "This feels really strange, talking to a holographic image of B'Elanna. I mean, she's not real. I don't see how this is going to help me."

"I know she's not real. But that's the point. It's safe. You can say whatever you want without worrying about how she's going to react."

He didn't say anything.

Arlaina was gradually starting to lose her patience. "Tom, so what if she's a hologram? You talk to me and the Doctor all the time as though we were real people, and we're only holograms."

"That's not the same," he argued.

"Tom... Just give it a try. It certainly can't hurt."

With a sigh, he nodded. He couldn't argue with that. "Okay, okay."

He turned to the holographic image of B'Elanna again. Once again, he was struck by how realistic the hologram seemed.

Tom took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak, to pour his heart out to the beautiful holographic woman before him.

"B'Elanna..."

He stopped.

"Would you like me to program her so that she responds?"

"I guess," he mumbled. That made him even more nervous. But he could do this. He *had* to do this, for the sake of his own sanity.

* * *

"I don't know. I've been thinking about re-programming her so I won't be so obsessed with her," Harry was saying as the three of them had lunch together as usual in the Mess Hall.

"You can't do that, Harry," Tom interrupted.

"Why not? I programmed her in the first place. I can re-program her."

Tom shook his head. "A lot of people have come to depend on her. They find her presence familiar, comfortable. They trust her. What do you think is going to happen if you start messing with her program now? You can't just change the parameters of her program just because you have a crush on her."

"He's right, Harry," B'Elanna agreed. "It'll be difficult for people to adjust if you change the counselor's program."

"I'm not talking about making major changes. Just a few so I won't find her so appealing."

"Even the smallest changes could have a drastic impact on her overall. Who knows what kind of effect what you consider 'minor changes' will have on her?"

B'Elanna nodded. "Exactly. There's nothing wrong with the program right now, so why change anything?"

"Besides, I kind of like her the way she is," said Tom with a smile.

"How would you know? Have you been spending a lot of time with her?" Harry was clearly annoyed with the unexpected opposition and lack of support that he was receiving from his best friends.

Embarrassed, Tom immediately looked away. He shrugged. "I've been to a few counseling sessions, that's all. No big deal."

Harry stared at him, surprised. "Oh. I didn't know that. I'm sorry, Tom..."

B'Elanna was also staring at him. She had been debating whether or not she should go back for more counseling sessions. If Tom had faith in the counselor...

Maybe it would be a good idea to continue with the counseling sessions. It couldn't hurt.

* * *

"Like it? He's everything you want him to be."

B'Elanna stared at the hologram before her, clearly impressed. "Remarkable. I still can't get over how realistic this program is."

"Well, you programmed most of the details yourself. You seem to know a lot about him," Arlaina reminded her with a grin.

_Of course I know a lot about him,_ she thought wryly. Whenever he was anywhere near her, or whenever anyone mentioned anything about him, she couldn't help but notice every single little detail. His mannerisms, his idiosyncracies...

"When you suggested that I design this holoprogram for therapy, I had my doubts... but I have to admit, it's all very convincing."

She couldn't take her eyes off him. He was a perfect replica of Tom Paris, perfect in every way. But he was safe. He made no demands of her, had no expectations. Loved her for who she was, loved only her, needed her.

No, that wasn't true. He was only a hologram, after all. He didn't really love her. It wasn't the same.

She was so tired of fighting her attraction to him... She wanted to lose herself in him. To take comfort, to let herself fall in love with him, give herself to him, body and soul, completely. To share everything with him. To love and be loved in return. That was what she was looking for, all she ever wanted.

He would love her, shelter her, take care of her, if she would only let him.

She didn't want to be alone anymore.

But she was also terrified. She didn't want to need anyone that much, the intensity of her feelings for him frightened her. And her insecurities refused to leave her.

_What could he possibly see in me? What do I have to offer him? He wouldn't be seriously interested in me._

B'Elanna was afraid she wouldn't be able to hold his interest for long. A few weeks, maybe, but then he'd move on to someone new. The instant she gave in to him, he would lose interest.

She had too much to lose. Better to hide away in her solitude than risk opening her heart to a man like him. It would only bring her heartbreak, never-ending pain.

Her greatest fear was of abandonment. She had lost too many people she had loved in her life, and it seemed that every time she opened her heart she ended up losing that person in the end. There was no promise of forever. No such thing as forever. He would leave her, just as they all had.

Sometimes the loneliness was nearly unbearable, but what of the alternative?

She would give her heart to him, build her world around him, only to have it shattered eventually.

As these troubled thoughts occurred to her, she found that she couldn't look at him any longer and hastily turned away.

"B'Elanna? Is everything okay?" Arlaina inquired.

Wordlessly, she shook her head, unable to explain her jumbled train of thought coherently.

Arlaina seemed to understand. "I know it's a little unnerving at first, but we'll work through this together. Give it a chance, okay?"

"Okay," she replied at last with a slight sigh.

* * *

Later that week, Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay were discussing the SCH and her impact on the crew.

"Everyone seems to be happier... except Harry," Chakotay reported with a grin. He couldn't resist adding that last part.

Captain Janeway was surprised to hear that. "Harry?"

Chakotay chuckled. "He asked me for advice regarding our new counselor. Seems he's developed a bit of a crush on her."

"Didn't he program her?" the captain asked with an amused smile.

"I think that's the problem."

They both laughed.

"Don't worry; I'm sure he'll get over it soon enough."

"What about the rest of the crew?"

"They seem to like the new program. The SCH program has been accessed 47 times in the last week."

"Busy," she commented. "I didn't realize that there was such need for a counselor. No wonder the Doctor was complaining earlier."

"The Doctor seems satisfied with the SCH program... He keeps reminding me that it was originally his idea."

The captain's smile grew broader. "Well, you can tell him it looks like it was a good idea after all."

That was an understatement. Since the debut of the SCH, the crew had significantly increased their productivity. Their emotional stability had improved, they were more confident, less stressed. It was helpful to talk about problems with an impartial observer such as Counselor Jayde. She was always there to listen and care, to reassure them that their problems could be solved. It was often difficult to discuss personal problems with other crewmembers because Voyager was such a small ship and word got around quickly.

That was why Counselor Jayde was so popular among the crew. She was completely confidential. It also made them feel better knowing that someone was on their side and that through therapy they were actively trying to do something about their problems. Sometimes it was enough to merely talk about their problems, to clarify their thoughts on what was really bothering them, getting to the root of the problem.

Chakotay knew that all too well. He often had the burden of listening to people's complaints. But there was a limit to what they would tell him. Starfleet protocol placed a barrier between them.

Morale had definitely improved because of the SCH, as he was happy to report to the captain.

"So... no problems? Other than Harry's infatuation with Counselor Jayde, I mean."

"Not that I know of. But you might want to ask the rest of the senior staff at our meeting."

Satisfied, the captain nodded, and they headed to the conference room.

* * *

B'Elanna nervously entered the holodeck, taking in her surroundings. The scenery was truly magnificent.

She had been tempted to call the whole thing off, but something had stopped her at the last minute.

Tonight was the night that she finally tried out her new holoprogram. A romantic evening with the man of her dreams – in holographic form, of course. She still wasn't brave enough to accept a date with the real man... but maybe if tonight worked out well, she could work up the courage to spend time with him for real. It was a start. Part of her therapy, as Arlaina called it. She had been working her way up to this for weeks.

B'Elanna had to admit that therapy was helping her deal with her fears and emotions. She felt more at ease with herself and had realized that most of her fears and anxieties were unwarranted.

She could do this. She wanted to do this. She had to do this. Otherwise, she would never make any progress. She would just keep those feelings sequestered away, letting them tear apart her heart.

_Not anymore, _she vowed. _I'm not going to run away from my feelings._

But that didn't help her nervousness any. The butterflies in her stomach were doing somersaults by now.

Steeling her resolve, B'Elanna made her way to the designated meeting location, a quaint little villa at the end of the street. As she entered cautiously, she was immediately greeted by Arlaina... and Tom.

"B'Elanna. We were wondering when you were going to show up." Arlaina's voice held no hint of reproach in it, only concern.

B'Elanna managed a small smile.

"Well, I should be going now..." Arlaina smiled at both of them, then pulled B'Elanna aside for a moment. "Good luck," she whispered. "Remember, just be yourself." With that, Arlaina shimmered out of existence, leaving the two of them alone.

They were completely alone. Arlaina had insisted that they needed privacy for this to work, so she had selected this secluded little place, against B'Elanna's better judgment.

It had everything they could ask for... and more.

_He looks absolutely incredible, _she thought, admiring him. He was dressed in a deep blue silk shirt and black trousers that emphasized his masculine form.

Hologram or not, he never ceased to make her heart beat faster.

He was smiling at her. She loved it when he smiled like that, so genuine and affectionate. It made her feel special. Loved.

His eyes roamed appreciatively over her. Her strapless evening gown was deep red in color, the silky fabric clinging to her curves. The full, ankle-length skirt swirled all around her.

"You look beautiful, B'Elanna."

She blushed a little. "Thank you."

As he took a step closer, her heart began racing. Wordlessly, he handed her a single long-stemmed red rose. She accepted it with a smile.

For a long moment, neither one of them said anything. They stood there staring at each other, close enough to touch but still hesitant.

Finally, he offered her his arm. "Shall we?"

B'Elanna took a deep breath, her mind whirling. She could do this. It wouldn't be easy to bare her soul, to open her heart to him, but she would. This was her holoprogram. None of it was real, and she could change the parameters anytime if she wanted to. She was in complete control.

Strengthened by that knowledge, she linked her arm through his, and they headed to dinner.

Dinner for two was set out on the table, and soft violin music played in the background.

They ate in silence for a while, glancing up at each other every once in a while, not knowing what to say.

"How's everything in Engineering?" Tom ventured, finally breaking the silence.

B'Elanna shrugged. "Fine. We were having some problems with the anodyne relays earlier, but that's been taken care of."

"Oh. That's good."

"Yeah. Harry helped me with that, so it didn't take too long. And Freddie Bristow was hanging around too... so I put him to work even though he was off-duty."

Tom laughed. "I'm sure he jumped at the chance to help you."

"He was more than eager. I was half-expecting Murphy to show up at any moment, too. He's been in Engineering a lot lately."

"Looks like I have competition," he said teasingly. "Bristow, Murphy... and Harry..."

That made her laugh. "Good thing Harry doesn't really have a crush on me. That would be too weird."

"Tell me about it," he agreed. "I can't picture you and Harry together."

_But what about you and me?_ she was tempted to ask but didn't.

The conversation faded again as she agonized over what she should tell him and how. She wanted to tell him how much she cared about him. But where to start? And how would he react.

Finally, she couldn't take the suspense anymore.

"I just wanted you to know..." she began nervously, just as he said, "I have something to tell you..."

They stopped and stared at each other.

"You first."

"No, you go ahead."

"Um... okay." But words failed her momentarily as she lost her nerve. "I... I just wanted you to know that I'm having a wonderful time," she said shyly.

"So am I," he replied earnestly, taking her hand in his. "You don't know how long I've waited..."

Blushing slightly, she turned away.

"...but you're worth waiting for," he continued softly.

She looked at him, shaking her head in wonder. It was difficult to believe, but he sounded so sincere.

"Thank you for being here with me." He gently touched his lips to her hand.

"I... like being with you," she said haltingly, a little caught off-guard.

"Really? You don't act like it most of the time."

She stiffened, pulling her hand away. "That's because you behave like a pig most of the time," she snapped.

"Sorry. Force of habit."

B'Elanna shook her head. "I don't believe you."

"What?"

"You do it on purpose."

"Are you sure about that? Maybe I can't help it. Maybe I really am a pig."

She stared at him, tempted to caustically agree or just hit him. Or both.

He seemed to enjoy getting a rise out of her, and she never knew quite how to respond. Her instinctive reaction was to rise to the bait, but she had learned that was counterproductive. He wasn't at all intimidated by her acerbity the way most people were. In fact, he usually gave as good as she did.

It was part of what attracted her to him, but it also unnerved her.

_He's only a hologram,_ she reminded herself firmly. An incredibly realistic, complex hologram who knew how to push all her buttons and was as much of an enigma as the real man, but a hologram nonetheless.

B'Elanna couldn't help but be impressed by the sophistication of the holoprogramming. He was virtually indistinguishable from the real Tom. But the fact remained, this entire evening was merely a simulation. Practice for the real thing.

That little detail allowed her to regain her composure and refrain from losing her temper.

"Why are you deliberately trying to provoke me, Tom?"

"I was only kidding. Can't you take a joke?"

"Yes, I can take a joke. But yours aren't very funny. Can't you ever take anything seriously for a change?"

That gave him pause. "I'm taking our date seriously," he finally said.

Satisfied by that response, she allowed a small smile. "So am I."

They continued eating dinner, far more at ease with each other because they felt they were making progress.

Though it had annoyed her that he had resorted to his usual tactics to avoid discussing an uncomfortable subject, she could understand it. After all, she also had a tendency to discourage other people from getting too close. She used a different strategy, but the intent and result were the same.

As the evening wore on, they became increasingly more comfortable with each other. Usually, they were on guard with each other, and more than a little defensive. Convinced that everything they were feeling was obvious to everyone, they desperately tried to hide their true feelings. Denying that they felt anything at all about the other, even to themselves. Trying to suppress it, because they were feeling terribly vulnerable and threatened by the strength of those emotions. Confused about what to do. Frustrated about feeling so strongly but not being able to show it or do anything about it because they feared the consequences. Rejection. Fearing that the other person wouldn't reciprocate, and that they would be left heartbroken and thoroughly humiliated.

So it was safer to hide, to conceal the truth because they were uncomfortable with their feelings.

But not here, not now. It was safe, and they didn't have to hide anything. Knowing that, everything they ever wanted to say to each other but couldn't before, could finally be said. Everything they wanted to share... They could be honest with each other, tell each other everything that they were thinking and feeling... if they could only find the words.

_You are so good to me. You're a wonderful friend; you've never let me down, never turned your back on me... No, I can't say that,_ she thought.

_You make me a better person. You constantly challenge me, but also encourage and inspire me. You believe in me... No, that's too corny,_ he told himself.

_You're not intimidated by me. You've never given up on me, even when I push you away. Even when everyone else keeps their distance._

_When I'm with you, I feel like I can do anything._

_You understand me... _

_I love everything about you: your passion for life, your brilliance, your dedication, your courage, your loyalty..._

_I was afraid to admit it, even to myself, but I want to be with you._

_I'll always be here for you. Whenever you need me, whenever you're frightened, sad, lonely... I'll be right here to comfort you. To take care of you. Support you. You'll never be alone._

_I want to share everything with you. Everything that comes our way, the good and the bad._

_You mean the world to me..._

_We belong together. _

_We're good for each other._

They talked about nothing and everything, but these thoughts were left unspoken.

And yet, they seemed to understand each other. It was enough to be there together, genuine and real.

They rose simultaneously, and he pulled her into his arms, suddenly feeling the need to be physically close to her.

She rested her head on his shoulder, enjoying his closeness, breathing in his familiar masculine scent. It all seemed so real...

The music began again, passionate and sensual. Needing no words, he led her to the center of the room.

As they danced, the world seemed to melt away. Lightheaded, B'Elanna felt as though she were floating in his arms.

She was no longer afraid, no longer reluctant. It felt so right to be here with him.

He buried his face in her silken hair, still holding her tightly.

She was oblivious to everything except him. The passion he ignited in her, awakened in her, was like nothing she'd ever felt before.

"My beautiful B'Elanna..." The sound of his voice, heavy with emotion, soothed her like nothing else, and his breath was like a tender caress along her cheek.

Breathless, she raised her head to his.

"I love you," he whispered huskily in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine.

"Oh, Tom..." She drew a shaky breath, dizzy from the exhilaration of it all. How she had longed to hear those words from him... Hearing him say it gave her the courage to finally tell him how she felt. Staring deep into his eyes, she whispered, "I love you too."

And perhaps that was all that really needed to be said.

No more hiding. No more running away from each other...

And what joy it brought them, discovering that the other person felt the same way.

For one silent moment, they gazed at each other. Slowly, he bent down to her, and she closed her eyes in anticipation.

Their lips met, hesitantly at first, then with increasing passion.

They swayed, bodies molding together. She gasped sharply as he cupped one perfectly formed breast through the thin fabric of her dress.

In retaliation, she began unbuttoning his shirt, her fingers tangling in the soft curls on his broad chest.

He groaned approvingly, and she grew bolder, running her hands over his muscular back and shoulders, marveling at the hard feel of him.

His hand slid lower down her back, pulling her tightly against him. He dropped hot kisses along the curve of her shoulder...

"Make love to me," she murmured, her voice barely audible.

Needing no further invitation, he carried her to the bed, kissing her all the while. Their clothes were easily discarded, and they collapsed together onto the bed in a passionate embrace.

The flaming desires that she had suppressed for so long were finally unleashed.

B'Elanna moaned as he gently trailed his fingertips down her face, nibbling at her neck. She reached for him, threading her fingers through his hair, breathless, wanting more.

Tom kissed a path down to her full breasts, burrowing his lips in the valley.

She allowed him to continue for a moment before dragging his mouth back to hers.

He stroked the curve of her hip, then slowly slid his hand along her thigh, eventually reaching the damp curls at the junction of her thighs. When he reached the swollen bud right below that a moment later, she had to bite her lip to keep from screaming with pleasure.

With the barest of touches, her fingers tentatively caressed the length of his hard shaft, trailing along the underside, then brushing against the tip. She heard his sharp intake of breath as she continued exploring every firm, solid line of his masculine physique.

He dipped his fingers lightly into her, tracing her slick, soft folds, then probing further into the deeper warmth that awaited him. She was more than ready for him.

Gradually moving into position, he coaxed her knees apart. He felt her tense momentarily and paused to brush his lips against hers again. She whimpered slightly, feeling the excruciating pressure as he prepared to enter her, the prodding tip of his erection, smooth, hot and hard, at her entrance.

"Relax," he whispered in her ear. She closed her eyes, and forced herself to do just that, taking deep breaths to accommodate him.

He entered her slowly, carefully, not wanting to hurt her. She was so incredibly tight...

It had been a long time since she had last been with a man.

He felt the pressure ease slightly, and he continued to ease his way into her.

Her arms were around him, pulling him closer. She lifted her hips, taking him in deeper until he filled her completely, accepting all that he had to offer.

He groaned as she surrounded him, tightened around him. Completed him. "Oh, babe... You feel so good..." She felt like she had been made for him, fit him snugly like a second skin.

They remained completely still for that perfect moment, savoring that instant of merging, body and soul...

Seconds later, they began to move together as one.

She felt some discomfort at first, but that gradually dissipated as her body adjusted to his presence within her. The pain faded easily to the onslaught of pleasure. Though his initial entry had chafed, each subsequent measured thrust took her to new heights of ecstasy.

He nibbled at her earlobe, and she shivered, feeling his hot breath on her sensitive skin.

She was completely wild and uninhibited in his arms, whimpering with passion. She held nothing back, trusting, loving.

Having opened their hearts to each other, they could now express their love for each other completely, sharing everything. All intimacies so pure, so real...

Tom increased the pace of his strokes, his breath heaving. Sinking into her velvety softness again and again.

An eternity passed as they moved in perfect harmony.

He slid his other hand to where their bodies were intimately joined, stroking her sensitive nub with his thumb, fingers caressing every point of contact between them, and she shuddered.

Waves of pleasure overtook her. B'Elanna cried out as the fiery intensity of her climax finally claimed her. The throbbing continued...

He groaned, letting go as well. She felt him tense, felt him swell within her, releasing a surge of pulsing, filling warmth into her welcoming depths.

As the liquid fire suffused her lower body, spreading throughout her, her head fell back, cushioned by the soft pillows. He collapsed on top of her, panting for breath.

Tremors gradually subsiding, exhausted but happy, a warm glow settled over them both.

He had complete possession of her body and soul, and she welcomed it. This was how it was supposed to be.

She sighed contentedly, snuggling into his warm embrace. "I wish we could stay here forever..."

He chuckled, wrapping his strong arms around her securely. "We could always come back here tomorrow night."

She looked up at him, surprised to see the tenderness in his eyes as he stroked her cheek.

_Be realistic, B'Elanna,_ she scolded herself. _Do you really think that Tom would be like this in reality... this gentle, tender, loving, generous and affectionate? I don't think so._ He certainly wouldn't be holding her like this afterwards. It was only because this was her holodeck fantasy that everything was exactly how she wanted it to be. _He's everything I want him to be, everything that I need him to be, only because I programmed him that way._ The thought sobered her.

But as he bent down to kiss her again, she almost forgot that. Despite her efforts to maintain control, she felt it slipping away. No man had ever treated this tenderly before.

It was perfect... except that it was still only a fantasy.

She stared at the man beside her, who so resembled the man she loved, but wasn't and never would be.

In reality, Tom Paris was no different from all the other men who had pursued her, filling her ears with sweet promises and loving words that meant nothing. He only wanted one thing from her, and when he had gotten it, he would lose interest. Just like all the other men she had allowed herself to care for. She couldn't let that happen again. Couldn't let herself become too emotionally attached to him. Otherwise, he would break her heart.

_This man, that I'm here with now, he's not real; he's only a hologram, one that I programmed... just like those holowaiters I programmed for the resort program. They do whatever I want them to... but it's not real. None of this is real, and it never will be,_ she realized. _He's an idealized version of what I'll never have._

It left her feeling empty inside. She was ashamed that her prior experiences with men had been so pathetically unsatisfying that she had to resort to this holodeck fantasy. It was also thoroughly embarrassing that this had been the most fulfilling and exciting physical encounter of her entire life.

At that realization, the tears began to trickle down her cheeks.

Alarmed, Tom tightened his hold on her. "B'Elanna, what's wrong?"

She shook her head wordlessly, continuing to sob. She had hoped that this therapy session would make her feel better, as Counselor Jayde had suggested, but it only served to remind her of what she could never have in reality.

"I'm sorry," she sniffed. "This was a mistake. I thought it would make me feel better, but it doesn't." B'Elanna vowed to herself that she would never use this program again. She would maintain a shred of dignity, at least.

Tom stared at her in disbelief for a long moment. "I don't believe this," he muttered, shaking his head. "This is a little too realistic for me."

"What?"

"Even as a hologram, you're rejecting me."

"WHAT?"

"Good thing it doesn't matter. At least you don't have to worry about the consequences or have any regrets... "

She stiffened. "What are you talking about?"

"...since you're only a hologram."

Confused, she stared at him. "What do you mean, ***I'm*** a hologram?" she asked incredulously. "***You're*** the one who's a hologram."

"WHAT?!"

"A hologram. I programmed you myself." She shook her head. "Hmm... Arlaina must have made some modifications to my holoprogram," she mused.

He was staring at her in shock. "Wait a minute. You're not a hologram? But... if ***you're*** not a hologram, and ***I'm*** not a hologram, that means...." he trailed off as the realization dawned upon him. "Oh, no. Arlaina."

"What are you saying?"

"B'Elanna. Arlaina tricked us. She made the exact same suggestion to me."

She frowned at him, refusing to believe it. "Stop being ridiculous! This is my holoprogram, and you're only a hologram... aren't you?"

Exasperated, he shook his head. "Fine, have it your way. End the program, then."

She shrugged. "Computer, end program."

The romantic setting suddenly vanished, leaving only the two of them sitting on the deserted holodeck floor.

Stunned, B'Elanna could only stare at him in shock.

"B'Elanna, wait..." he pleaded.

She paid him no heed and stalked out of the holodeck.

* * *

The next day, B'Elanna stormed into Holodeck Two, determined to confront Arlaina.

"You tricked me! How could you do such a thing?!"

"I was only trying to help," Arlaina protested.

"You're supposed to be a counselor, not a matchmaker!"

Counselor Jayde shrugged, clearly unfazed by B'Elanna's temper. "Sometimes, there's not much difference. Counselors deal with interpersonal relationships. Most of the relationships that people have problems with are of a romantic nature."

"You can't just manipulate us like that!"

"It worked, didn't it?"

"No, it most certainly did not!"

"Well, I do the best I can. Most of my patients have no complaints."

B'Elanna was aghast. "Are you telling me that you've pulled the same stunt on other people too?"

"Usually all they need is a small push in the right direction. That's all I do. The rest is up to them."

"What kind of counselor are you?!" she asked incredulously.

"A damned good one, if my popularity is any indication," Arlaina retorted.

B'Elanna could only shake her head. Clearly there was something wrong with Counselor Jayde's programming. The SCH's ethics subroutines should have rendered her incapable of such tactics. After all, counselors were supposed to be sensitive. Discreet. Professional. Valuing confidentiality above all, because they had a lot of power over their patients, the individuals who placed their complete trust in the counselor and revealed their deepest fears, hopes, feelings and needs to her. Baring their psychological vulnerabilities. And that was a huge responsibility, never to be taken lightly.

But Arlaina was so flippant about it.

B'Elanna left the holodeck, still furious. But most of all, she felt betrayed. She had placed her trust and faith in the counselor, only to find that Arlaina was capable of horrific deceit.

What had begun as a dream had ended as a nightmare.

She felt foolish for having trusted a hologram with her innermost feelings. But then, she reminded herself, the Doctor was also a hologram, and their lives were in his hands. They relied on him to take care of all their medical needs. But the Doctor's programming occasionally malfunctioned, and it had been terrifying when he had behaved completely out of character.

Equally frightening was Arlaina's current behavior, considering that the psychological well-being of the crew was in her hands.

B'Elanna shuddered. Perhaps it was time to call a senior staff meeting...

But then she would have to explain what had happened, and there was no way she could do that. She was having trouble figuring out how she was ever going to face him again as it was.

This was humiliating... and heartbreaking.

Arlaina's advice had convinced her, given her such hope, that maybe, just maybe she had a chance with the man of her dreams. that she didn't have to be afraid.. that she could let go of her fears and trust herself, trust him... that maybe...

But now that was destroyed. There was no hope left.

* * *

"Come on, Tom," Harry persisted. "I have to know what went wrong so I can fix the program!"

"Harry." Tom sighed, realizing that he wouldn't get a moment's peace until he told him. "Arlaina tricked me, okay? She tricked both of us into thinking that the other person was a hologram..."

"And?"

"What do you mean, and?!"

"Why are you so upset about this? Didn't you figure it right away? Wasn't it obvious?"

Tom was on the verge of hitting something. "No, Harry, it wasn't obvious. That's the point. We didn't realize it until it was too late."

"What do you mean, 'too late'?"

"Do I have to spell everything out for you?" He shook his head. "We didn't figure it out until after we had slept together, okay?!"

Harry blinked. "Oh," he said meekly. Clearly, that was not what he had been expecting to hear. And it was more than he had really wanted to know.

"Now do you understand?"

"I'm so sorry, Tom... " he said guiltily. "I had no idea that Arlaina was capable of something like that. She's not supposed to be! There must be something wrong with her ethics subroutines."

"I'll say," Tom muttered.

"But this isn't a total loss, right? I mean, at least you and your mystery lady had the opportunity to talk about your true feelings and..." He trailed off. Tom was shaking his head.

"She's not speaking to me anymore, Harry. And I don't think she's going to get over it anytime soon."

Harry blanched. He felt even worse, if that were possible.

"I'm on duty now. I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay."

Harry sighed and continued his way down the corridor. On the way, he spotted B'Elanna ahead of him.

"B'Elanna," he called out after her, racing to catch up.

"Hi, Harry. What's up?"

"I wanted to talk to you about fixing some bugs in Arlaina's program. There have been some problems with..."

At the mention of the SCH, B'Elanna stiffened.

Harry noticed right away. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, of course not. You were saying?"

"There seem to be a few problems with the SCH's ethics subroutines."

She turned away. "I know."

"What do you mean, you know?"

She didn't answer.

"How did you know?" he pressed.

B'Elanna sighed. "Let's just say that I've had a few counseling sessions..."

"Oh, no..."

"And some rather unconventional therapy."

He sighed. "You're not the only one. I just talked to Tom. He's had some problems with the SCH, too..."

She tensed for a moment, then realized that Harry must not have made the connection. She allowed herself a tiny sigh of relief. At least Tom wasn't bragging about it all over the ship, as she feared he might.

She turned her attention back to Harry.

"It's all my fault," he said miserably.

Hoping to comfort him, she told him, "It's not your fault, Harry. You couldn't have known. I didn't detect any malfunctions either the last time I ran diagnostics on the program."

He shook his head. "What went wrong? All I wanted to do was help."

"I don't know what went wrong, but we can fix it." _Which is more than I can say for my situation. _

He looked at her gratefully.

"Don't worry," she reassured him, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.

* * *

B'Elanna set down her toolkit and stared at the open panel before her. Harry had been called away to the Bridge, so she was left working on locating the bugs by herself.

_I knew it was mistake... I never should have let Arlaina talk me into this._

At that moment, Chakotay came in. "What're you working on?"

"There are some serious problems with the holoprogram's ethics subroutines. Harry asked me to help him fix the bugs."

"I see. What's wrong with the program?"

"Oh, not much. Just that the ship's counselor has absolutely no morals whatsoever," she said sarcastically. "As I found out from firsthand experience."

Chakotay was taken aback.

"B'Elanna, what happened?"

She didn't answer.

"Tell me what's wrong?"

"I don't really want to talk about it."

"Are you all right?"

She sighed. "I guess so. I'm not as angry anymore. Arlaina's only a hologram, after all. It's not her fault that the program's ethics subroutines were malfunctioning."

Somehow, knowing that didn't make her feel any better.

"Chakotay... I think it might be too dangerous for all of us to place our psychological health in the hands of a holographic ship's counselor."

Chakotay nodded. "I didn't realize that the crew would come to depend on her so much. I thought that most of the crewmembers just needed someone to listen to them talk about their problems."

"Well, Arlaina's very compelling. Even I let her talk me into doing things that common sense told me I shouldn't be doing," B'Elanna said ruefully.

Sensing her unhappiness, he cautiously asked, "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

She looked away. "I'm sure."

He wasn't entirely certain what this was all about, but he suspected it had something to do with Tom Paris.

"It's... it's kind of embarrassing. I wasn't using good judgment... and I made some terrible mistakes..."

"B'Elanna. Maybe some good can come out of all this. At least... talk to him."

Startled, she looked up at him. She smiled despite herself. Chakotay knew her too well. She couldn't really hide anything from him.

"I know you two can work this out. I have faith in you both."

"Thanks, Chakotay."

He patted her on the shoulder encouragingly and left.

_I only wish I had that much faith,_ she thought unhappily to herself.

* * *

Tom left his quarters, preoccupied. B'Elanna still wasn't speaking to him, and he was out of ideas. He had briefly considered consulting Counselor Jayde but then immediately rejected the idea. That was what had gotten him into this mess in the first place.

Resigned, he headed for the holodeck to shoot a few rounds of pool with Harry in Sandrine's.

The turbolift doors opened. There before him stood B'Elanna. She looked absolutely stunning, dressed in a short, low-cut, purple dress.

As their eyes met, her heart fluttered. She immediately averted her gaze_. Don't look at him,_ she ordered herself sternly.

He silently stepped into the turbolift, trying not to stare at her. His eyes kept drifting to the plunging neckline of her dress, which revealed the gentle swell of her breasts. He longed to trace his fingertips along the outline of that neckline, and over the soft, silky skin underneath. Remembering what that was like...

He willed himself to look away. Still, he couldn't help admiring her out of the corner of his eye. _I wonder who she's going out with tonight,_ he thought to himself. _Probably Ensign Murphy, or maybe Freddie Bristow._ That bothered him more than he cared to admit.

B'Elanna wished that the turbolift would move faster. This was getting to be unbearable.

He looked wonderful, dressed in a red shirt, vest and matching trousers. She wondered who he was going out with tonight. Probably one of the Delaney sisters, she thought with a twinge of jealousy. More than just a twinge, actually.

Filled with longing, she closed her eyes, remember how spectacular it had been that night on the holodeck. It had been nothing like she had ever felt before.

"B'Elanna," he said softly, breaking the silence.

She shot him a look, warning him not to say anything more.

He didn't care. "Computer, halt turbolift."

Irritated, she opened her mouth to instruct the computer to resume... but the intensity of his gaze made her hesitate.

"B'Elanna."

She didn't trust herself to speak.

"We have to talk."

"No we don't," she said shortly. "There's nothing to talk about."

"Yes there is."

_Dammit, why does he always have to argue with me?! _

"I have nothing to say to you, Paris."

But he refused to back down. "You said you loved me..."

She shrugged. "I thought you were a hologram... part of my holodeck program," she said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Don't give me that!" Angry, he paced back and forth. "Do you usually program your holograms to look like your colleagues?" he challenged.

"Maybe I do," she shot back. "Maybe I programmed holograms of all the men on this ship to carry out my fantasies!"

His heart sank as a terrible thought occurred to him. Maybe that was all she had wanted – a holodeck fantasy. Not the real thing. Not a relationship.

"You just don't get it, do you," B'Elanna said bitterly. "We both got what we wanted, but it wasn't real. And it never will be."

Tom was starting to lose his temper. "It felt pretty damned real to me!"

"You're deluding yourself," she snapped, turning away from him. "Computer, re–"

She never got the chance to finish the command, as he suddenly pinned her against the wall and firmly planted his mouth over hers in a ravenous kiss. She froze in shock, and he pressed his advantage, crushing the full weight of his frame against hers.

Her mind was still protesting, telling her one thing, but her body was telling her quite another, surrendering to the passion he ignited in her. Caught up in the haze of passion enveloping them, she melted against him and kissed him back fervently.

"Stop..." she protested, finally breaking the kiss and pushing him away. "I can't think when you do that."

"What's wrong with that?" he asked huskily.

B'Elanna sighed, shaking her head in hopes of clearing her confusion. Maybe... maybe all this wasn't as bad as it had first seemed. Maybe there was still hope, and their relationship was salvageable. "I have to be able to think if we're going to talk."

He smiled, gratified that they were finally making progress. "Okay... when?"

"No time like the present."

"But what about your date?"

"My date?" She frowned, puzzled.

"Don't you have a big date tonight?"

"What gave you that idea?"

"Isn't that why you're all dressed up?"

She shook her head, slightly exasperated. "I was going to have dinner with Chakotay. But I can reschedule that. He'll understand." She paused. "What about you?"

Tom chuckled. "I was going to shoot some pool with Harry at Sandrine's. Not very exciting. Do you want to go somewhere and talk?"

She nodded. "Somewhere a little less public."

"Why don't we go to my quarters, then." He immediately regretted suggesting that, realizing how it must have sounded to her. Fortunately, she merely shrugged and nodded.

"Computer, resume."

* * *

"We would never have behaved the way we did if we'd known..." B'Elanna was saying.

"Maybe not... but it was what I wanted. I wanted to be there with you."

"But you thought I was a hologram! Just like I thought ***you*** were a hologram."

"Does it matter? I mean, the reason we had those holoprograms in the first place was to practice for the real thing. To make us more comfortable with each other..."

"I don't think I would have gotten that 'comfortable' if I had known that you weren't actually a hologram."

He sighed, trying to get back on track. "The point is, Arlaina was right about one thing. We shouldn't hide from our feelings."

"I'm not saying that we should. All I'm saying is that what happened on the holodeck shouldn't have happened. It wasn't real..."

"Yes it was," he insisted. "It was real. What we felt, what we shared together... It was real. All of it... ***real**,*" he repeated with conviction.

She didn't respond, but he could tell she was slowly weakening.

"B'Elanna, I... I meant everything I said when we were in the holodeck. It wasn't easy for me to say, but it was all true. I love you, B'Elanna."

She was so beautiful, passionate, vibrant... and he loved her so much. He had to make her see that.

Having said all he could, he kissed her tentatively, hoping that she would believe that he sincerely meant it.

The kiss deepened as she parted her lips, and his tongue delved inside her mouth, tasting her sweetness.

Encouraged, feeling her pulse quicken, he wrapped his arms around her in a heated embrace. She responded with equal passion, throwing her arms around his neck.

But when they finally broke for air, she was still uncertain. "I don't know... This is all so sudden. Everything's happening too fast... I don't know if I'm ready for this..." She was afraid. Afraid of her own emotions, and of his. She wanted to be with him, but she didn't know if she had the courage to take the risk, to open her heart to him.

It was a lot to ask.

But looking into his eyes, she could see those same emotions mirrored there. He was also afraid and uncertain, but he was willing to take the risk. He felt that it was worth it.

"We'll make it work," he promised. "Together. I love you so much..."

Those simple words warmed her heart and filled her with hope. Perhaps she could put aside her doubts and give this a chance.

She had to trust him... and herself.

"I love you, Tom."

He hugged her close, happiness filling his heart. She wasn't leaving. She was going to stay with him.

He had been afraid that she wouldn't have enough faith... but she did.

She leaned in to kiss him again, reaching for the collar of his shirt. He helped her slip her dress off.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the holodeck?" he teased.

"No, I want to stay right here. That way, I know you're real, that this is real..."

"I'm real," he reassured her, planting a kiss on her forehead. "This is real."

His fingers gently grazed her most tender flesh, teasing and probing, and she moaned softly. He continued to stroke her, knowing that the heat was for him.

Her breathing grew shallow as she gave herself up to the sensations he was rousing in her. She could feel the hard ridge of his arousal against her belly...

Her fingers wrapped around his hard length, guiding him to her.

He marveled at how open and honest she was with him. She let go of all her inhibitions when they made love.

This was even better than the night on the holodeck, because they knew this would last.

They could take a chance on love, knowing that they both felt the same way... and wanted the same things. They felt as though they had finally found everything they had been searching for. Caught up in the wonder of that discovery, marveling at the strength of their bond, their feelings for each other, they made love reverently, passionately.

_We belong together..._

When it was over, leaving them both breathlessly satisfied, he pulled her close, as he had that night on the holodeck. She seemed a little uncomfortable with that, but he insistently clasped her to him. After a few tense moments, she relaxed and gave a little sigh of contentment.

He absently traced the contours of her cheek, savoring the feel of her in her arms. She snuggled against him, even closer.

No man had ever wanted to cuddle with her like this after being intimate.

Of course, being with Tom was more than that. It was better than anything she had ever known.

_I could definitely get used to this,_ she thought happily just before she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Days later, Harry and Arlaina sat at a table in Sandrine's. Earlier, he and B'Elanna had fixed all the bugs with the SCH program and updated the ethics subroutines, but he wanted to be certain that everything was in order. So, he had been quizzing her all evening on patient confidentiality, privacy rights, abuse of power and everything else he could think of.

Distraught, Arlaina looked like she was on the verge of tears. She was obviously feeling guilty.

"You had good intentions," said Harry gently, "but you can't manipulate people. They place their trust in you, and you shouldn't violate that trust."

Arlaina looked at him with remorseful eyes. "I know... I don't know what I was thinking. It seemed like such a good idea at the time."

As far as he could tell, her ethics subroutines were functioning correctly again. He couldn't believe that he had missed all that. If he had realized it earlier, maybe he could have prevented the suffering that his best friends were currently going through. He felt so guilty about that...

At least they were still talking to him. They didn't blame him.

He looked up as Tom entered the holodeck. Gaunt Gary challenged him to round of pool, and he accepted, but he seemed preoccupied.

Harry excused himself for a moment and headed over to his side.

"Everything work out okay?"

Tom shrugged, but he gave a small smile. "Yeah, I think so."

"So who is she?" he couldn't resist asking.

Tom shook his head. "Harry, Harry, Harry... we've already been through this. She values her privacy."

"Oh, like you're going to be able to keep something like that a secret on a ship this size."

"It's not unheard of."

"Okay, okay," he said good-naturedly.

They were momentarily distracted as the doors opened and B'Elanna came in.

"Hey, B'Elanna," Harry cheerfully greeted her.

She smiled, clearly in a good mood. "Hey yourself." She glanced over to the table where Arlaina was sitting and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm over her," he said hastily. "I was just testing the program... checking the ethics subroutines."

Tom and B'Elanna exchanged glances. "Right."

"Want to join us?"

"That's okay; I'll just hang out over here and watch Tom lose at pool again."

"Hey!" Tom protested.

Harry chuckled. "Okay. Have fun," he said before heading back to Arlaina.

Tom didn't really notice him leave. He couldn't take his eyes off B'Elanna.

"Tommy boy," Gaunt Gary said impatiently. "It's your shot."

"What? Oh, yeah." Tom forced himself to return his attention to the pool table, but it was nearly impossible to concentrate on the game. He could feel her presence, sense her nearness, distracting him...

Before he knew it, he had lost yet another game to Gaunt Gary.

He shook his head. "One of these days..."

Gaunt Gary merely laughed and gave him a patronizing smile. But Tom wasn't too upset about it. He had more important things on his mind at the moment.

The musicians began playing a slow song, smooth and sultry, and Gaunt Gary turned his attention to B'Elanna.

"Hey, doll, wanna dance?"

She shook her head adamantly as Tom hid a smile.

Gaunt Gary shrugged, then headed off in search of a more receptive companion.

They stood there for a moment, then she tugged at his hand. "Let's dance."

"Are you sure?" he whispered to her.

She smiled back at him, leaning in to kiss him. "Of course I'm sure."

Amidst the stares of curious crewmembers, they moved to the dance floor. B'Elanna slid her arms around his neck, and he wrapped his arms around her waist. They began swaying to the music, oblivious to everything except each other.

After a few dances, they were both feeling the need for more privacy.

He brushed his lips softly along the curve of her jaw. "Let's get out of here..."

"Okay."

With that, they left Sandrine's, still thoroughly wrapped up in one another.

Harry was staring after them in shock. "Well, what do you know," he muttered. "Who would have thought that Tom and B'Elanna would ever get together like that...?"

Arlaina smiled with satisfaction. "I knew it. Maybe this was just what they needed after all. This could be a new form of therapy."

As Harry turned to stare at her in alarm, Arlaina burst out laughing.

"Just kidding, Harry."

He breathed a sigh of relief, secure in the knowledge that he hadn't created a monster, after all. Just an extraordinary ship's counselor with a quirky sense of humor.

The End :)


End file.
